Pike position is so comfortable
I wish I could sleep in pike position without my legs losing all their blood
Pike position is so comfortable
I wish I could sleep in pike position without my legs losing all their blood
It is commonly believed that Steve cannot lie. Much like Washington, he has this weird reputation for being totally honest all the time.
Like with Washington, this is a total myth.
Steve is actually a very good liar, provided he knows he’s going to lie and has his lie down before he tells it.
No one knows Steve’s ability to lie better than Bucky, though there was a time when he was as blissfully unaware as everyone else. There was a time when Steve was able to successfully hide health issues and emotional problems, insecurities and fears. That ability shattered the day Bucky came home to him collapsed on the floor, barely able to breathe and utterly incoherent from fever.
there was a moment where bucky thought steve was dead and he never forgave steve for that
After that, Bucky was more aware. He was able to figure out Steve’s tells, or just know when things didn’t add up. He knew when Steve needed him to wrap an arm around his shoulder and when Steve needed him to stay home. Steve never stopped lying, but Bucky lied too. Now they were on even ground, since Steve was rarely fooled. There were days where Steve felt worthless, pointless, like a burden. Those were the days where Bucky held him close and ran his fingers through Steve’s hair and talked about all the ways Steve was good and how much better Bucky’s life was because of him, until Steve was sobbing into Bucky’s shoulder but they were good tears.
Years later, Steve is still lying. Nat says he’s not a good liar, but that’s not true. He’s lied successfully for ages, pretending that he was okay. Sam was the first to see through it. Nat saw that he was lonely, but not that he woke up screaming more often than not. Not that he still dreamed about Bucky falling, or about being so cold he couldn’t move. Not that the better nightmares were the ones where he jumped off and followed Bucky into oblivion.
Bucky’s there, but he’s not Bucky anymore. Not really. Bucky wasn’t that quiet, or that serious. Bucky didn’t keep so much distance from everyone. Bucky didn’t look at Steve like Steve was a stranger.
It hurts to look at Bucky these days. Things pile up. Ugly missions that stick with him. Failures he can’t forgive himself for. Smile. Keep calm and carry on, as the queen used to say.
One night, after a mission, he’s sitting quietly in his living room. It’s something he does, and it never helps. Usually it just ends with him feeling utterly worthless, because thinking turns into an ugly cycle of guilt.
Bucky is too quiet. Steve doesn’t even realize he’s in the room until he sits down next to Steve on the couch.
"I’m fine." Steve says automatically, because he’s been saying it to almost everyone since they got back from Moscow. Bucky’s expression doesn’t change, it’s a blank mask. Maybe his eyes narrow just a little, but Steve looks away. "I’m fine." He says again.
Bucky reaches out slowly, like he’s not sure of what he’s doing or thinks Steve will want him to stop. Steve’s too startled to protest as Bucky starts running his fingers through Steve’s hair.
"I’m fine." Steve protests weakly. Bucky keeps up his movements, and they’re so careful and gentle that they break Steve’s heart. Bucky doesn’t say anything, and Steve doesn’t think his expression, or lack thereof, changes.
"I’m not going to be fine if you keep this up." Steve tries to joke, but it’s more broken than he means it to be. Bucky pauses, and for a second, Steve’s sorry he said anything because it was so nice to be fussed over, even that little tiny bit.
Then Bucky’s fingers start carding through his hair again, and Bucky seems a bit more confident in that movement.
"It’s okay," he says, very quietly. "To not be fine."
Steve finds himself curled up in Bucky’s lap, sobbing, his arms wrapped around him with Bucky still petting his hair. He feels stupid, but also lighter, better. Bucky could always tell when he was lying.
as many of you know, the spoon theory has been frequently discussed on this blog: what is it? who can use it? why are we discussing it here? basically, a lot of conversation about a nuanced, but very important, topic. so, welcome, to the big ol’ spoons masterpost. here, i’m going to attempt to explain as easily and thoroughly as i can what the spoon theory it is, who can use it, and why it’s important to this blog. here we go!
what is the spoon theory?
- the spoon theory originated with christine miserandino, who used it to explain to her friend what it is like to live with lupus — you can read the full background story in this article on butyoudontlooksick.com.
- the spoon theory is a metaphor for what people dealing with chronic illness / chronic pain go through each and every day. you can think of spoons as being comparable to a measuring unit for energy and ability to do things.
- healthy people have a never-ending supply of spoons, i.e., you wake up, and you use your day to do what you want. you to go to work, you cook dinner, you hang out with friends, go out, watch tv, clean your house, etc. you might get tired, but you can do all those things — you have the ability, and you can pick and choose what you do.
- chronically ill people have a limited supply of spoons, or energy / ability. their spoons very from day to day. “low spoons” days are low ability or low energy days, days where chronically ill people just can’t do as much as healthy people. so, if various activities (such as the ones listed above) cost spoons / energy, these people have to carefully plan out their day and prioritize what they would like to do with their limited energy.
- here is an excerpt from christine miserandino’s article linked above to illustrate just how much thought goes into living just one day with chronic illness:
- “Showering cost her spoon, just for washing her hair and shaving her legs. Reaching high and low that early in the morning could actually cost more than one spoon, but I figured I would give her a break; I didn’t want to scare her right away. Getting dressed was worth another spoon. I stopped her and broke down every task to show her how every little detail needs to be thought about. You cannot simply just throw clothes on when you are sick. I explained that I have to see what clothes I can physically put on, if my hands hurt that day buttons are out of the question. If I have bruises that day, I need to wear long sleeves, and if I have a fever I need a sweater to stay warm and so on. If my hair is falling out I need to spend more time to look presentable, and then you need to factor in another 5 minutes for feeling badly that it took you 2 hours to do all this.
- basically, the spoon theory is used to describe the limitations of living with a chronic illness.
who can use spoon theory to describe themselves?
- this has always been a complicated discussion. what is abundantly clear is that spoons is not a metaphor for tiredness or laziness. spoons are not an emotion, or a hyperbole one can use to exaggerate how one is feeling. it is completely insensitive and unacceptable to people struggling with chronic illness to parallel their daily battle to a mood or lack of motivation. using this kind of language incorrectly is ableist, as it diminishes the real lived difficulties of people with chronic illness.
- spoons can apply to people with visible and invisible illnesses. some disorders that are draining but not always readily visible to others are : depression, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, POTS, multiple sclerosis, lupus, and endometriosis. (taken from thespoontheory.tumblr.com's FAQ)
- you cannot use spoon theory to describe yourself if your illness is a one time occurrence and not chronic; for example, the flu.
- it’s debatable whether spoons can be used to describe allergic reactions — on the one hand, severe allergies require the presence of the allergen for someone’s abilities to be altered. essentially, unlimited spoons are available as long as the person takes this preventative measure. on the other hand, some argue that severe allergies can cause a multitude of other health issues, including severe anxiety. severe anxiety can absolutely limit spoons, and thus it is something to take into consideration.
why is the spoon theory important to no-more-ramen?
- this blog is an intersectional space, meant to be filled with recipes that people of all levels of access and ability can create. so, while much of our blog caters to recipes that are inexpensive and take little time to prepare, energy levels are also important to take into consideration.
- there are certain things that people with low spoons might be less able to do : recipes that include a lot of chopping, a lot of time standing over the stove, a lot of cleanup. this is why no-more-ramen has specific tags for needs like this.
- the no chopping tag is exactly what it sounds like — recipes that involve no chopping or knifework. everything is frozen or from a can for easy preparation.
- the crockpot tag is for recipes that can be placed into a slow cooker and left. that’s less time spent standing and working in the kitchen.
- the general tips tag has not only tips for budget shopping and recipe tricks, but also suggestions to make cleanup easier on someone who doesn’t have many or any spoons left after cooking.
- these are key things to keep in mind when submitting a recipe! you can help someone create the comfort of a home-cooked meal while sacrificing less of their ability to do things with the other parts of their day. that’s important, and awesome, and can really improve someone’s quality of life.
and there you have it! the big ol’ spoons masterpost. please let me know if you have any corrections or additions you think should be included. thank you!
This makes me happy to read c:
So I just wanna add something onto this, because when I first read about spoon theory, I related to it a hell of a lot. But I assumed I was being awful and appropriating something that wasn’t meant for me, because as far as I knew I was perfectly healthy. I assumed that as someone who wasn’t chronically ill, I must just not understand, and must have been shoehorning my own life experiences into it to make it make sense. So I put it out of my mind.
But a few years later, I was diagnosed with a chronic illness (surprise!) that had been affecting me for probably seven years without my knowledge. (Ironically, now that I’m aware of my condition and am actually taking medication for it, I no longer feel like spoon theory applies to me in my day to day life. Now that I could use spoon theory to describe myself, I no longer need to.)
My point is, if you’re sitting around thinking that spoon theory sounds really familiar to you but you’re afraid you’re just applying it to your own laziness, you should maybe go to the doctor instead and get yourself checked out. I wish I’d taken it for the warning sign it was.
I almost choked on my water
Fucking christ that fucking bear post
Every time I look at it
fuck ‘it’s all in their head’ headcanons
fuck anything that reduces everything fantastic and wonderful and strange into delusion
fuck stereotypes of mental illness, images of people in padded rooms unable to face reality
fuck destroying wonder and replacing it with sheer ableism
fuck ruining the magic
and fuck anyone who thinks destroying dreams is ‘new’ and ‘creative’
Do you ever wonder what Bucky wanted to be? Like instead of joining the military and everything
Maybe Steve wasn’t the only artist. Maybe Bucky loved math or literature. What if he wanted to go into politics? Use his charm to help bring about real change in the world. He might have had a passion for space that had him pointing out constellations to Steve on cold, clear nights.
I bet Steve saw all of Bucky’s hopes and dreams when he looked at the winter soldier and it gutted him that Bucky ended up here instead :(